Vice presidential candidate Joe Biden announced a plan today aimed at helping the middle class and economically disadvantaged deal with the high costs of transportation.

“The last 8 years of the failed Bush administration have seen transportation costs soar well out of the budgets of most of Americans”, Biden said in a speech at an abandoned hangar 15 miles west of Carruthersville, Missouri.
“My plan will offer air fares and bus fares well below 50% of today’s going rates. While destinations will be limited at first, as this campaign ramps up we will add more destinations although some will be on a last minute, first come first served basis.”

Biden cited Bush administration waste as the main problem for affordable transportation.
“You take this bus right here”, Biden said while pointing at a 50 ft. charter. “It probably gets somewhere around 8 miles to the gallon, yet it only had 7 people on it when it arrived. There’s a jet on standby at the Memphis airport, it flew all the way from Oshkosh, Wisconsin with only 8 people aboard. A massive waste of our dwindling resources which are becoming more scarce every day due to the Bush administration policies which John McCain will follow in lockstep.”

Biden then set forward a sign up sheet for anyone wishing to lock in reduced fares on his campaign bus and jet, which press corps abandoned 48 minutes after the announcement of Sarah Palin as the GOP vice presidential nominee.

When asked by a reporter from the Carruthersville Democrat Argus newspaper what happened to the 8th person on the plane, and why they weren’t also on the bus, Biden said “That was the reporter from Grit, I think we lost him at the Waffle House in West Memphis. I thought I heard the Koss guy say something to him about performing a 55th trimester abortion on him and then he was gone.”.
“Seriously though, all these planes and buses running empty all over this country is a travesty. People can’t afford to go anywhere and stuff’s running around empty. Black people are stranded, even clean black people. A black person would have a better chance getting on a plane if they had a towel on their head and were chanting death to the infidels. No one can afford transportation, well no one except for the Jews. We all know they’ve got money. They’ve always had money, cause they won’t spend any. they’re tight. Don’t forget the Catholics either. They’ve got money. They jet their priests all over following me around refusing to give me communion. Those priests are wrong about that abortion thing. I think it was St. Jude who said “What goes around comes around”. I’ll go with that doctrine. No one with a funny hat and pointed shoes knows more about doctrine than me, I’ve been in the Senate for 40 years.”

Biden closed the gathering by singing a hymn which he said he had written on the bus trip from the Memphis airport. Only a few lines were heard as the drone of a cropduster pulling back into the hangar sent a reporter and 2 secret service agents running for cover.

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound”
“That saved a wretch like me”
“I once was lost, but now am found”